Our Shadow Selves

I’d like to take a moment to speak about the current Anusara/John Friend controversy. Before I begin, I am not an Anusara teacher and I’m frankly not super educated on the concepts of that particular school. I am, however, a Kripalu trained teacher and Kripalu went through a similar break in the mid 90’s. I wasn’t in the Kripalu tradition at the time but I have seen some of what the effects were and heard many stories from those at the time. I am simply writing as an observer and a human being having wrestled with my own demons.

First off, I want to send out all the love and compassion I can muster for those in the community. I do not, of course, condone the actions of John Friend and I want to make that clear. Instead, I would like to offer another way of approaching this whole fiasco. Again, I am not in it so you may say ‘what do I know’ and be very valid in that statement but bear with me if you will.

I think that we walk on dangerous ground when we set people on pedestals, forgetting that they are indeed human, just like us. I am NOT laying blame with people who have done this. It is a wonderful thing to have a mentor and a teacher. It can feel so easy and safe to get lost in all the wonderful things they teach that we forget the other side exists as well. This seems to be an issue not only in this current controversy, but to us as a species. For instance, there are certain political groups trying to rewrite history books to quiet the fact that our founding fathers owned slaves and massacred the native people because that sullies the good things that they did. This denial of our shadow selves sets us up for denial of truth which has probably never done anyone any good.

I also think it would be so hard to be in the role of ‘guru’ or any other label and not give into temptation. Again, not to condone his (or any other “guru“‘s) action through the millennia, but to try to have some compassion and understanding. Maybe you aren’t ready to do this yet and that is totally fine. But think about, as a human being, when you have been tempted. Think about when you’ve given in, when you haven’t. I honestly think (again, I can say this because I am not “in” it), this is a really great opportunity to look ourselves fully and honestly in the mirror. A chance to look at our light and our shadow selves, to acknowledge and honor each one for their lessons and their gifts. If you were to look back on times in your own life you have make mistakes, I’ll be you there is some lesson or some gem you can glean from the experience that offered growth. For me, it was my mistakes, my shadows, my fears and insecurities, that brought me to the yoga mat in the first place and set me on this amazing path. 

Of course, it can be downright painful to look at our shadows. This is why it is so important to show yourself (and everyone) compassion. If you sit there, looking your demons in the eye and yelling at them for existing, you start a vicious cycle of hate and violence in your own psyche. It is my belief that we all contain all possibilities, from the greatest love to the greatest hatred. It is up to us which we choose to live from. And from time to time, we may take the shadow road but we always have the choice to change directions. 

As we move through whatever lies ahead, I think it is time to start honoring our shadow selves. Not in a way that excuses us to live and act from negativity, but in a way that recognizes it is in us and every other single human being ever to exist. We all experience the struggle of choosing what we live from. While the magnitude and intensity of our individual experience may differ, the essence is the same. So, I invite you to start to practice compassion for your shadow self. Perhaps, that could open up doors to practice compassion for other people’s shadow selves. Maybe this is an opportunity to look in the mirror and begin to heal yourself of your own past (or present) mistakes. This whole fiasco could be the catalyst for a thousand transformations in other people. In that way, despite the hurt and violation and anger, it can also be a gift.

Being in a tradition that suffered a similar setback, this is what I believe. Kripalu yoga has blossomed and strengthened through it’s struggle because the teachers and the practitioners believed in the teachings themselves. They continued to hold dear to them Babuji’s wisdom and continued to spread the love (“kripalu” means compassion). So if you are a teacher of Anusara feeling lost right now, inquire within. Do you still believe in what Anusara stands for? If so, keep teaching it, keep living it, keep sharing it with your own strength and your own passion. Yes, people will be turned off immediately perhaps but that is their own stuff. Maybe they aren’t quite ready to see their own shadow. If any of this resonates with you, take it into the classroom. How many of your students would benefit from living more fully and truthfully with their whole selves? I’m going to guess all of them.